Keeping a Husband

I will define keeping a husband as this:  an ongoing environment where the wife creates an atmosphere of love and safety while also doing little things for her husband that no one else on earth would do or could do.

Men and women are totally different.   I realize this is a totally new and profound statement :) - but it is very true.    My man [ THE Hubby Bubby] is the head of my house in absolutely every way.   He does amazing things for me every day.   But this here post is not about what my Hubby Bubby does for me, but is about what I do for him and why it is important.  I just wanted to make the statement that I realize boys are girls have different "gender roles"and are thus "different",  but in this day and age the roles have been greatly expanded and the boundaries have been blurred.   While I support a lot of the new expansions of gender roles there are some foundational principles that I feel are extremely important and need to be revisited.

I as the wifie mama [ wifie to the Hubby and mama to the puppy ] view my house [ also known as "The Barn" ] like the Fort Hood of our family.   Where I [ the wifie mama] go Fort Hood also goes with me.   In the sense that I create the atmosphere of home no matter where or what the structure we create it in is.

Why is it so important to have the atmosphere home in the family?  Because the world is cruel, manipulative, and extremely difficult.    And everyone needs a place to call home they need a place of safety, a place of vulnerability, and a place where priorities are re-prioritized.

Keeping a man starts with creating a "home".   Girls are naturally gifted with the ability to create home.  You do not have to be domestic or be able to cook and clean well, but you have to use your gift to create a nurturing atmosphere.    That nurturing atmosphere could look very different across all different households, but it accomplishes the same thing.  It establishes the home.  Girls if you feel like you are unable to nurture or create a home like atmosphere then I want you to ask God to show you how.   That ability is innate to you by the virtue of the chromosomes you carry.   That ability could be asleep inside of your heart, and simply just needs to be re-awoken.  Ask your first love Jesus to wake it up for you.   After you have discovered the desire then we can talk about implementing.  

Back to keeping a man.  I am going to list out some things that I do for my man in order to show you what I mean by keeping your man.    Please note:  what I do could be opposite of what you do and that is 100% ok.  You could even think I am crazy, but that is not the point.  The point is the principle behind my craziness.

These are in no specific order:

• I want to be the first one to tell him he is hot in the morning, so that if some floussy flouncy [these are not real words] tells him he is hot at work he can just say "thank you" my wife told me that this morning.  This creates a realm of "safety" for the man that he can travel in at all times.
• I sit on the couch beside him sometimes while he plays video games, because that counts as "doing" together and I know that is extremely important to him.
• My Fort Hood Barn is the safest place for my man to feel vulnerable.   If my man does not feel safe to feel vulnerable at home, then he will go feel vulnerable somewhere else.
• I make him his favorite foods - just because and for no special occasion -- just because I love him.
• I adapt certain ways of cleaning, cooking, and doing things in order to show him respect.
• I learned how his mother [Mama Bear Hill] took care of him, and I asked her about it and learned from her.   Because she is super awesome she let me do that and taught me little things to do for the Hubby Bubby that would mean a lot to Him.   
• I make him his lunch everyday, so that when he eats it everyone at works knows I love him.   That is the real reason I make his lunch everyday.  
• I have a real strong opinion about a lot of things and I share what I think with him, because no one wants to be married to a door mat.
• I ask and learn about what he does at work because that makes him feel important.
• I stay involved in what he is interested in so that we can talk about topics he feels really strongly about.   This is how you grow together -- because usually he will also do this for you.
• I get off the computer to engage in conversation with him when I do not want to.
• I write thank you notes to lots of poeple because that is extremely important to him.
• I allow myself to continue to fall wildly and passionately in love with him, because that type of marriage is way more fun.   Maybe more work but way more fun!
• I am honest with him about what I am feeling and thinking - so we can talk about it.  This keeps me rational and much more fun to be around.
• I spend time with Jesus so that I can continue to be beautiful on the inside.

These are just some things that I could think of, and some of them might drive your husband crazy so you would not do them for him.   But please get my point -- you sacrifice some things in order to keep your husband.    

The Hubby Bubby does a million incredible things for me.    But I feel like in the world of counseling and preparing for marriage we focus a lot on what the man should do around the house or for the wife, and we totally forget to tell the woman that she must also create the atmosphere of home.

Wives when your Grandmother would tell you or show you how to do certain things for your new man and you at the time thought she was so old fashioned - you were wrong.  Her methods might have been old fashioned but her principle for doing so remains the same today.   That principle needs to be reinstated.

If you as the wifie mama are totally confused or even angry about this post --- then let me know because I would LOVE to talk to you about it.