Definitely not very super. I know that without Jesus this Wifie Mama ( mama to a puppy, and future mama to Hill children in years to come ) would not be writing blogs, because without Jesus I simply just do not have many interesting or helpful things to say.
Please note that this Wifie Mama has not yet achieved looking good in bikini. I just want to keep it real. Hopefully before June gets here I will achieve this goal. I will let you know when I do but I most certainly will not provide pictures. :)
The past month or so God has been doing a big work in my heart in regard to provision. Ever since I graduated college I have been trying to prove myself to the world. I wanted to prove that I can be dependent on myself and independent from everyone else. The whole I can and will make it on my own thing. Not that making it on your own is a bad thing, it is not. It is a very awesome and wonderful thing. It was just that my heart was wrong. Notice all the "I"s in the previous sentences? I can, I will, I won't, my purpose, my destiny, my value, my worth.
When I graduated I walled myself up in my heart and dug into the ground and prepared for battle. Against what - you might ask? At the very core it was probably giving up my pride and having to submit to doing something I did not want to do.
Remember these posts:
Bombs in your heart
No Mrs. Iron Pants
These are two of a whole lot posts (probably) where you are seeing my pride and Jesus have a little fight on the blog. If you read carefully between the lines you can probably see it. If you really know me then you most certainly do not need to read between the lines. You can now say a little prayer for everyone in my office who survived me trying to prove myself. I may be 5'2" but I am the oldest of four and think I am 6'2". Maybe that had something to do with my Mom always telling me to project tallness?
Last week I was very tired in my soul. Have you ever felt that way? Where you are just weary?
I had gotten enough sleep, had quiet times, worked out, and even had a clean house. But I was so tired.
This past Sunday before church Chris and I got up early to have a little vision prayer session. Where we both sat before the Lord and sought His vision for our lives right now. Of course I thought I was seeking vision for where God wanted us to buy a house and when and all that, but the Lord had other plans. The Lord wanted to give me rest. Isn't He sweet?
Last week God had me in Isaiah 54, but I never really continued reading on to Isaiah 55. On Sunday God had me in John 4 and Chris in Isaiah 55, and we both had a verse about being thirsty.
God took me through John 4 where Jesus meets the woman at the well. The first thing I noticed was that Jesus was tired from His journey and sat down to rest at the well. Verse 6. I thought to myself -when Jesus was on the earth He had to rest! Which a lot of the time meant getting away and praying and being with the Father. Jesus was not proving Himself, He was simply doing the Father's will:
Verse 34 "Jesus said to them, My food (nourishment) is to do the will (pleasure) of Him who sent me and to accomplish and completely finish His work."
Interesting thought huh?
John 4:14 is where God really started pulling on the strings of my heart. "But whoever takes a drink of the water that I will give him shall never, no never, be thirsty any more. But the water that I will give him shall become a spring of water welling up (flowing, bubbling) [continually] within him unto (into, for) eternal life."
But get this ---- at the same time, without knowing it Chris was in Isaiah 55:1.
"Wait and listen, everyone who is thirsty! Come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Yes, come, buy [priceless, spiritual] wine and milk without money and without price [simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing]."
At church on Sunday the sermon was about Isaiah 61. Yesterday morning God had me reading that over and over, and guess what that accomplished? Understanding the Father's heart for me. He is my provider. He came to heal the broken hearted and set the captives free. He came to do a lot of insteads. Beauty INSTEAD of ashes. Joy INSTEAD mourning. A double portion INSTEAD of shame. Why? Because the Lord loves justice and hates robbery and wrong doing. What did the enemy come to do? Steal, kill, and destroy.
Isaiah 61 changed the position of my heart from pride in wanting to provide for myself to understanding that Jesus died so He could be my provision. I have been a Christian for 20 years. TWENTY years and the gospel is still new to me everyday. How cool is that?
Back to Isaiah 55:1 --- this is what blew me away this morning, this one line --- [simply for the self-surrender that accepts the blessing]. I realized that I had to lay down my pride [self-surrender] to accept the blessing of provision and protection. God does not want me to strive and be tired. He wants me to work hard and accomplish his will, but He wants to nourish my soul and give me rest while I am doing it. He is the living water that satisfies eternally. He is the reason we can be new every morning. I can depend on God to provide His will for me. I can depend on God to provide for me everything I need INSTEAD of hashing it out on my own. I will still work hard but I have the living water.
Do you?
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