Love: It works

Last week I re-read 1 Corinthians 13.  Ya know, that love chapter that we never really understood as kids because it talked about clanging gongs and mirrors that reflected imperfectly!

While this is said often and it is definitely true: sometimes you can read something that you have read 20 times before and the 21'st time you finally get it.  I finally got 1 Corinthians 13 last week.  It finally resonated in me.  Not only the fact that God is love and love resonates from Him, but the fact that all love is seriously legit.  It is like the navy seal of characteristics.

4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.5  It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].6  It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail.7  Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].8  Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]. 

I am at the same time in awe of the fact that God loves me and therefore feels all those things for me, and in awe that I fall so terribly short of that example.   I started to play out what love looks like in life and it was so different than what I thought.  

For example while trying to go to sleep one night last week I was thinking of something someone said that offended me slightly.  Awesome, right?  While I was thinking about this person and how I felt about them at that moment suddenly 1 Corinthians 13:7 came up in my mind and shouted "love is ever ready to believe the best of every person".  Like the snap of fingers my offense and bad feelings totally changed as I applied love to them.  I am terrible at believing the best of certain people.  No matter the reason that completely sucks and is not love.  But once I applied that definition of love in that certain situation and I allowed God to give me his love to love with - everything changed.  The premise that love conquers all started to really come alive as I realized how powerful love really is.

Recently I have been really intrigued by getting to know God for no other reason than just to have more intimacy with Him.   While this should be the goal of all our walks with God, for me it is just God getting me to the next level of maturity.  I have realized that God really is everything that we are searching for.   He creatively explains who He is all throughout scripture and somehow I have missed certain parts of Him while growing up.   

Isn't it cool to think that God is always ready to believe the best of us even when He knows our hearts?  

Today the part of love that I need to apply to life is: loves hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening].  God is enduring.  His love for us is enduring.  His dreams for us are enduring.  His hope in us is enduring.  His love should translate into our life allowing us to have hopes that endure all circumstances.  Sometimes life can hand us some pretty crazy circumstances to endure through and enduring can be hard.  But we are loved by love himself who can hope for us and give us hope.  

The past six months have handed Chris and I a pretty awesome set of circumstances that have done their best to knock the wind out us.  Yet, God gently reminds us that he is love and love's hopes are fadeless and enduring all circumstances.  He is our provider and protector and our Daddy.  He is plain cool :)

Catching up On Life

Hi :)

Are you preparing for Christmas?  Are you getting excited to spend time with family and friends?  I know I am.  We are getting ready to celebrate our last Christmas without a child of our very own.  Can you believe that?

I am so excited.   I have moments where I begin to realize that our life is about to change big time.  I have other moments where I still cannot believe that I am almost 8 months pregnant.   Pregnancy has definitely forced me to focus on the present, so the moments when I am able to think about the future are always mind blowing!

I will be 8 months pregnant on Friday.  I am growing at alarming rates in every direction :) and I have something very alive inside of me moving all around.   The nursery is almost complete and I feel that we are almost prepared to have this little one.  At least we can get him home and provide him a place to sleep.  

To catch all of you up I have had a little drama in my pregnancy.  Which thankfully has not harmed or bothered our baby boy at all.  Our little one of growing and happy and being completed by God in my tummy.

My last post caught you up with my first trimester -- which was hormonally difficult but that is just sometimes the nature of pregnancy :)

[ Disclaimer: Talking about pregnancy drama that was supervised by doctors.  Please do not share with me any of your pregnancy related horror stories or any kidney infection horror stories.  Thank you ] 

A week into my second trimester I got a pregnancy induced kidney stone.  Under the care of doctors and nutritionists I was able to pass it at home.  Not without an excruciating amount of pain but also with some heart peace that I was going to be ok.

It took my pregnant body awhile to recover from that but the baby was fine and that was all that mattered.

A month after the first kidney stone my body threw me for a loop.  On the first Saturday of September, while Chris and I were watching Pioneer Woman on TV, I started getting symptoms of another kidney stone.  This time it was different and I knew that I needed to go to the hospital immediately.   Within an hour of the pain starting we were checked into the emergency room.  It was determined that I had a kidney infection and I was passing a kidney stone at the same time.   The pain was indescribable.   They eventually checked me into postpartum where I stayed for 5 days.   Thankfully the baby was completely un-bothered by the whole situation which I am so grateful to God for.  Thankfully I had some amazing doctors who encouraged me and spoke hope over me and the baby.  Thankfully I got better and was able to walk out of there.

Literally a week after I left the hospital I got another kidney stone.  Thankfully there was no infection or fever and the pain was not quite as severe.   I spent most of my time passing it at home but my doctor advised me to go see a urologist to see if he could help me out.   Unfortunately traveling while passing a kidney stone was not the best idea and the pain peaked right as I got to the doctor's office.  They immediately transferred me to postpartum care in the Labor and Delivery section under the care of my OB.   A beautiful lady came to transfer me.  She was dressed up in her business finest and did not look like someone who should be transferring a patient from one part of the hospital to another.   In the midst of the transfer while we were waiting on a room she prayed for me.  Instantly my pain stopped and I passed that kidney stone like it was no big deal and I got to leave the hospital the next morning.  Again, the baby was completely fine and had a great heartbeat and started to move.

The month after my kidney infection / second and third stone was emotionally very difficult for me.  I simply had no energy and had trouble accomplishing the most minuscule tasks.  For the first time in my entire life I experienced a little bout of depression.   In truth my body was recovering from a severe infection and was busy growing and protecting a little baby.   My body was tired and my emotions were allowed to run free and I was pretty angry that I had gotten sick.  After all I thought I was pretty healthy!

God did not let me stay there long, but I had to make the decision to stop feeling sorry for myself and gett off the couch even though I did not feel like it.   I was standing at the kitchen sink one day when the Lord whispered to my heart to fight.  To fight for my baby, for myself, and for my family.  I turned off the TV and started listening to sermons and my heart got stronger and stronger.   I was able to break out of the depression I was in and start to live again.

My doctor, who I LOVE, was finally able to get me on the right natural supplement.  My kidneys love it and everything is WAY better.   The baby has continued to grow and move and have awesome heartbeats.  

It has been a while since our last medical drama and I have energy and feel like a real human being. We even got to go on a babymoon to La Canterra resort just north of San Antonio and return to having a more normal social life.

I guess I tell you these things so you can be praying for us as we enter into our last few weeks of pregnancies.   As with all babies I know God has a special plan for our little boy.  I appreciate every prayer that comes our way.

I can say today that I feel God's presence in our life.  All of this has brought Chris and I closer together and has taught us to pray and be proactive.  God has given us what we need in this life we just have to receive it and sometime get up and fight.   God has allowed us to be SO EXCITED and to truly ENJOY all the non kidney related parts of this pregnancy.   God has even allowed me to be excited for our next pregnancy --- which I was totally unsure about when I was getting admitted to the emergency room.

Merry Christmas :)  I hope to keep you updated on our life, our thoughts, and what is going on in our hearts.

I have and I haven't fallen off the face of the earth :)

Hi :)

Yes, I actually still have this blog.   No, I have not actually blogged since March of this year.  In truth I have two reasons why I have not blogged.   The first is the last 9 to 10 months have been the most spiritually dry of my life.  Second, which is a WAYYY better reason than the first, is that I am pregnant with our first born SON :).   Which I am assuming most of you know from facebook.

God has laid a bunch of things on my heart to share with you which I am sure will take several blog posts.  In this one hopefully I can catch you up on a few things in our life and from my heart.  

So .... remember when I posted about landscaping and being uncomfortable? In those posts I might have moaned about how after I had made all these declarations about wanting to grow that God was all quiet on the western front?  Well, needless to say God reads my blog and he responded.  Our life has been CRAZY for the last 5 or 6 months.   We have been challenged in about every way.   Good and bad.   We have grown.

In my post about landscaping I talked about doing, acting, and obeying and I referenced several verses from James describing what God was telling me to do.   In truth, because what means anything without truth,  I have not done a whole lot of doing, acting, and obeying in the specific areas God has asked me to.  Admitting that hurts but being real with myself is also awesome.   I am secure in the fact that God loves me beyond what I am capable of understanding, and I am also secure in the fact that the intimacy that I will have with God will only grow as I do, act, and obey.   Fortunately enough for me :)  God has made me uncomfortable enough that I am SO ready to do, act, and obey.   Coincidence?  I think probably not.

How pregnancy fits into all of this:

Last fall Chris and I started to pray about when to start a family.  I was starting to get the baby bug.   We just wanted to be on the same page with God.   In January of this year after Chris and God had a conference about what the Hill Family Vision was for this year, Chris announced that this was the year we were going to get pregnant.    Even though I had the baby bug and was ready to have a baby at any moment, Chris actually being ready totally freaked me out.   After MUCH praying and talking we really felt like God had said May was to be the month of conception.   Since we were successfully implementing natural family planning February, March, and April were extremely difficult because I just wanted to try and have a baby.  But, we waited because we trusted God.    Thankfully in this area of our life there was lots of obedience and listening and we very much counseled with God to make sure we were following his will.  

May came and we did all the things necessary to conceive a baby.   Naturally May was a super stressful and trying month in more ways than one, for me.   I had to seriously practice taking all my thoughts captive, forgiving people who hurt me, and seriously trusting Jesus.   Naturally during the time we were fertile we had a huge disagreement with a close family member that was nothing but an attack from the enemy to get me all stressed out in ways my body could not handle.  Thankfully I have a rock of a husband who stood in the gap for our family.   Thankfully God gave me the grace to just let Him fix everything.   He did and we absolutely love, respect, and adore that close family member.  

I have actually never done so much praying as I did in the time between conception and finding out if was pregnant.   I contended for the health of my body and the health of the baby that I trusted was growing inside of me.   A fight in me came out that I had never experienced before.  

The first weekend of June rolled around and we celebrated our third wedding anniversary.   It was perfect.   I am so in love with my husband and I am so attracted to him :).    That Sunday night I decided it was time to take a pregnancy test and it was negative.   I did not cry.  I kind of just responded like I am pregnant, whatever.   Over the next two days I went into major spiritual warfare mode and prayed as I walked G around memorial park.   I had this fight in me that was not going to give up.  I was pregnant and I was not going to except anything less.   During these two days I also started experiencing some early pregnancy symptoms.   I obviously, having never been pregnant before, had no idea.   But, my friend Julie who I was divulging my heart out to totally realized that I was probably pregnant.   The Tuesday following the Sunday of the negative test was actually our anniversary day.   Julie called me at 9 in the morning to say I absolutely had to take another test.  Then Liz called who was about 4 months pregnant at the time and knew nothing about my negative test, but she went on to tell me that her first test was negative and her second one was positive.   So, I took another test and it was immediately positive.   I cannot tell you the joy of seeing that little pink line.   I had all these great intentions of waiting until Chris got home to tell him that I was pregnant.  I even went and ran all these errands in preparation of a grandiose anniversary dinner.   As the afternoon wore on I could not wait another moment so I called him at work and told him.   He was absolutely thrilled and his concentration was ruined for the rest of the day.  We found out we were expecting on the day of our third anniversary.   It was truly the best present ever.

I can also say that the few days I had in between the negative test and the positive test gave me some perspective for people who try a long time to get pregnant.   I respect them in a way I never could have before.   Even though I would like to say something to help make their pain better I know I cannot.  I can just say that  I have this little, tiny, incomparable bit of understanding.   Not really enough to justify but just enough to know more than I did.

I can say that getting pregnant was a miracle.  Never before in my life have I been so sure of God.   I felt so blessed and so aware of God's mercy and grace that he would allow Chris and I to become parents.  While people get pregnant all the time, each time is a complete and utter miracle.   The creation of a new baby is a complete testament that God loves us and is all powerful.

You would think that after all the prayer, fighting, and good news that my faith would have been more than a mustard seed.   That maybe I would have entered into this rich spiritual time with the Lord and have become a super woman --- because that is totally what I thought would have happened.   But it did not.   Instead I became closed up as if I were the one, and not God, who was protecting my pregnancy.  I  went into survivor mode shutting down any unnecessary emotion and thought.   I was not relying on God for my baby and for me.   I just shut down.  

 Chris also got a huge promotion in May, which was an answer to prayer, but also required him to start working 60-80 hr weeks for about 3 months.   Needless to say the Hill house started playing defense instead of offense.

Which would explain why my spiritual life became so dry.  Which would explain the lack of blog writing.

But you know what - God did not leave me or Chris in that place for long.   But you will have to wait until tomorrow for that story :)

It's really that simple? (Yes is the answer.)

This verse in red letters is legitimately changing the way that I view and live my life:


Matt 11:28-30

28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.]  


29 Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest ( relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls. [Jer 6:16.]  


30 For My yoke is wholesome (useful, good — not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing, but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant), and My burden is light and easy to be borne.
AMP

I must first thank my dear friend Kevin Weaver for allowing the Lord to gently reveal this to him and for Kevin's superb and simple delivery of this truth.



I know, I know, I know.  #1) I haven't written a blog in months, #2) I jump right out after not having written a blog in months and make some ludicrous claim like "legitimately changing the way that I view and live my life.".  I know.  I'm sorry.  It's the truth.

Frankly, we should all start to think a little differently, and honestly, Kevin's book is going to be used to do a lot of reshaping and challenging of the modern "Christian" thinking.


The thought is this simple:
"If it ain't light, it ain't God."

His yoke is wholesome.  Think about the words that the amplified uses to describe it: useful, good, not harsh, hard, sharp, or pressing but comfortable, gracious, and pleasant.  His burden is light and easy to be borne.

That means that if you feel pressed, if you feel hard, if something is heavy, it's likely not from God.  Stop, turn around, and get that off.

"I feel so burdened, I feel so heavy for (this situation, this people group, this mission)."

Likely not from God.

I'm not saying that there aren't trials and struggles, but why do you think Paul wrote about peace that surpasses all undersanding and he and silas were able to sing in their chains?

An Easy yoke.  A light burden.  Jesus is easy and light.


More to come, but I felt like that was for someone this morning.  Run into Jesus.  He's so good.  His glory is his goodness (Moses in the cleft of the rock).

Mr. Hill

Rocket Science and the Art of Cleaning

My little business that I co-own with my soon-to-be sister in law Mikala, or Mikaykay, has taught me something about cleaning.

You see we teach people how to eat healthy, which often involves meal planning.   Unfortunately there is no secret key to getting healthy meals on your table.  It takes discipline, determination, a little strategy.  and eventually it becomes a habit.

BUT --- I have been waiting for this secret key to having a clean house, and of course I have not yet found it.  I would clean and then it would get messy again.   I kept thinking that somehow I would figure out the secret that clean people magically have and I too could boast of organization and cleanliness.

Recently while discussing with someone that meal planning is simply something that you must sit down and do I realized that this also applies to cleaning.

It was like I was Einstein who had just discovered a new law of physics.  

YOU MUST CLEAN ALL THE TIME, AND YOU SIMPLY HAVE TO JUST DO IT?

WHY???????

Going Home

This past weekend I helped throw a baby shower in College Station, and Chris had a trip planned with our group of friends to go to a hog wrestling tournament in Sabinal, Tx.  

Friday night I packed up the envoy with the puppy, my hair dryer, and a little mexican food from Escalantes and we headed to Magnolia.   Magnolia is the home of the barn, our previous home, and my parents house.   Christmas was the last time I had spent the night at my parents house, so I figured it was a good time to visit.

I got to my parents house well after dinner, so I brought my fajita salad in and sat at my parents huge kitchen table .  My mom and my soon to be sister in law sat with me as I ate.  My Dad and brothers sauntered in and out, and Giada got to play with her cousin Jack The Great Dane.  

Instead of staying in "my room" I stayed in the guest bedroom.  My mom had put clean sheets on the bed and had everything all prepared for me.

Growing up you have no idea how wonderful this is, but after having your own guest bedroom you understand what a wonderful treat it is to not have to pur your own sheets on the bed.

Saturday was whirlwind of errands and activity as me and my Mom prepared for the baby shower in College Station.   We got home late Saturday night and sat on the couch while my Dad made us both hot raspberry zinger tea.  

Saturday night I got to fully relax and enjoy being "home".   Sunday morning I slept late and woke up to my Dad making breakfast in the kitchen.   As I poured myself a cup of coffee I thought how wonderful it was to wake up to coffee and breakfast that I did not prepare for myself.    My entire family, with the exception of Chris who was very much missed, sat down for one of my Dad's famous breakfasts and had good conversation.  After breakfast my Mom and I went on a walk on the three mile loop in High Meadow Ranch.   Walking is my love language, so when people go on walks with me I feel really loved.

It was such a treat to be home.   After growing up and having a house of my own I felt totally pampered at my parents house.   Which is funny because I got that treatment for 18 years thinking it was totally normal and having no idea how much our parents did for us.  It was just good to go home and hang out with my family, so good I felt like I needed to blog about it.   My Dad's breakfasts have a tendency to do that to people :)

Landscaping

A week ago today my big, strapping, muscle bound husband ripped up all the horrible and terrible shrubs out of my front yard.   He hacked, sawed, and dug until those ugly shrubs were ripped up out of the ground, roots and all.   I raked leaves and filled expensive, Houston required, recyclable trash bags with the debris from my husband's work.   Truly, I did not help much but at least I wanted to look like I was trying as he was using all his force to prep my flower beds for spring.   While my flowers beds are still in the transitional phase I know that soon they will be beautiful thanks to my handsome husband.

My friend Liz describes this process perfectly on her blog A Little Peace of Home.   

Remember the post where I talked about wanting to get comfortable being uncomfortable?   Ever since I wrote that post I have been waiting on God to give me huge opportunities to start to grow.   I expected Him to start revealing himself to me in new ways, and that my entire life would start to take shape and be different.  Instead it has been "all quiet on the western front" as I have tried to have quiet times and seek Him.   

It was not until this morning that I realized that my heart needed some "landscaping" of its own to be done by my big, strapping, muscle bound Jesus.   I just gave up this morning and got down on my knees during my quiet time.   G laid next to me and I laid my heart before God and told Him that I was not going to get up until He spoke something to my heart.  

Lately I have felt so distracted by all that I have to do, want to do, and hope to do that I in fact have done no doing at all.   This entire week I have badgered my husband with statements like "I feel worthless", "I need to know more of who I am in Jesus, and " I want to know if I am doing the right thing".

As I laid before Jesus this morning I realized that I have been like the person James talks about in chapter 1 verse 23 & 24 AMP "For if anyone only listens to the Word without obeying it and being a doer of it, he is like a man who looks carefully at his [own] face in a mirror; For he thoughtfully observes himself, and then goes off and promptly forgets what he was like".   

Can you say convicting?  Regarding my worth in Jesus and and here on this earth I have been like "a man of two minds (hesitating, dubious, irresolute) , [he is] unstable and unreliable and uncertain about everything [he thinks, feels, decides]. James 1:8 AMP   As I said in the previous blog post since I graduated college I have been caught between living life comfortably and uncomfortably.   I have been like "one who wavers (hesitates, doubting) like the billowing surge out at sea that is blown hither and thither and tossed by the wind".James 1:6b AMP.  I have heard God speak to me about who I am in Him and what He has planned for me to do, but in doubt I have just listened and have done nothing.

I repented this morning.  I asked God to change my thinking.   I told Him that His ways are above my ways, that His thoughts are above my thoughts, and the His will is above my will.   

"In simple humility, let our Gardner, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life." James 1:21b MSG

God also convicted me about not trusting Him about our future.   This shows how comfortable I have gotten because my entire life has been based on me having supernatural faith in God regarding anything I have ever done or received.  My faith had nothing to do with me being supernatural, but it had everything to do with the fact that I have always believed that God's way was the only way I could ever do anything.   I laid my desire to secure my future before God and decided to trust Him for today and tomorrow.   I believe as you grow up you think it is the responsible thing to do to worry about the future and try to scratch out some form of security for yourself.   While planning is always wise, worrying is definitely not.   

"And who of you by worrying and being anxious can add one unit of measure (cubit) to his stature or to the span of his life? And why should you be anxious about clothes? Consider the lilies of the field and learn thoroughly how they grow; they neither toil nor spin.  Yes I tell you, even Solomon in all his magnificence was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and green and tomorrow is tossed into the furnace, will He not much more surely clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore do no worry and be anxious saying What are we going to eat? or, What are we going to have to drink? or, What are we going to have to wear? For the heathen wish for and crave and diligently seek all these things, and your heavenly Father know well that you need them all.  But seek first of all His kingdom and His righteousness (His way of doing things and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides.  So do not worry or be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will have worries and anxieties of its own.  Sufficient for each day is its own trouble."  Matt 6:27-34 AMP

I share these things with you this morning because I am so guilty of letting God landscape me, and then after He has planted me with a beautiful garden of flowers then sharing with you how the process went.  Instead today I have invited you into the process.   Like my own front yard I am in the transitional phase, not yet planted just uprooted and bare.   

My prayer for myself this morning is this:

"But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God-the free life! -even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action.  That person will find delight and affirmation in the action."  James 1:25 MSG

[ AMP = The Amplified Bible.  MSG = The Message Bible ]

I just want to be comfortable ... but I also want to grow.

This is part of an email I wrote to one of my besties Kelley Ellis .

I simply wanted to share it with you because you are my bloggie readers, and I must redeem myself from my Bieber Fever declaration.    Actually I want to share it with you because hopefully you can watch me grow.  I know that Jesus always answers these kinds of prayers, and I so I want to give him the opportunity to get the glory.

***************

Last night Sheridan and I had the first Campaigners with our freshman girls.  It has been over 3 years since I have lead or attended a bible study or a physical accountability group where we discussed the word.   Although we only had a few girls and our conversation was skin deep at best, my heart strings were tugged and God started speaking.

I realized this morning that since I graduated college I have wanted to live life comfortably.  What I mean by that is that I have not wanted to stretch myself too much, and I most certainly did not want God to stretch me too much.  While I have gone through a ton of growing experiences over the past 3 years and am now a better person.  I have held God at arms reach in certain areas of my life.  Areas that over the last year He has slowly been revealing to me.   Buying this house was an area that grew and stretched beyond what I thought I could handle, and yet here we are completely provided for.  I realized last fall that I was not allowing God to grow me into what he was and is calling me to do regarding a job / making a living.   When I graduated college I basically had a huge list of things that I told God I would NEVER do.  I essentially completely opposed Him from doing what He wanted to do in my life.  This particular realization has come into view over that past six to eight months.  Starting Kitchen Sisters is definitely a result of me allowing God to move me, and yet I still fear that I have not completely given up control in this area. Honestly, me not submitting completely to Jesus scares me way more than submitting to Him.  Yet, I still struggle to submit and give up control completely.

This morning came a whole new scenario where God showed me that I have been holding him back from doing what He wants to in life.   I realized that I have held back the areas of being planted in our church, attending a bible study, or even being mentored by a wiser woman.  Simply because I wanted to be comfortable.  I realize that not having too many commitments early on in marriage is a good thing, but I believe I went from focusing on building my marriage to protecting myself from uncomfortable situations.  My heart was flooded with emotion this morning by the desire to be surrounded by Godly women who want to speak the word into my life.  My desire to be part of a bible study suddenly appeared at the forefront of my thoughts.  Not my desire to lead a bible study but simply the desire to be a part of one.  The desire to be poured into.  A hunger for Jesus that I have not had in a long time because I so wanted to be comfortable.

I am writing all these things to you because I want your prayer.   I want and need fellowship in Jesus.  I want to learn and grow and I want to be ok with being uncomfortable.  

*************

I leave you with this

Sometimes G likes to wear hangers as necklaces 

The Bieber Fever

I admit I went and saw Never Say Never this past weekend with my friend Hillary.

I admit that after I got home from the movie that I downloaded Justin Bieber songs off of iTunes.

I admit that the movie and songs are both really awesome.

I admit that I have the fever.

The Bieber Fever.

I am not ashamed.

Valentines - A Day or Two late

What do I love about my Valentine -- the one and only hot Mr. Hill?

I love that every single year since we started dating he has always made Valentines day special.   I have never made a big deal of valentines day, but since Mr. Hill has been in my life he always has.  

This year he surprised me with a weekend stay at the St. Regis hotel in Houston.   We love to get away and stay in hotels.  It is like a little mini escape from the world where the two of you can just focus on each other without the distractions of life.

Friday night we decided to get pizza from Fuzzy's and check into the hotel and watch a movie.  You better believe that we valet parked and got out of the car with a 16 inch pizza, and then proceeded to go into the lobby carrying the box.   We walked up to the concierge who seemed a little surprised and amused at our audacity to carry in carry out pizza into the St. Regis.    It was fun, perfect, and completely us.   Pizza is our splurge item of choice and resembles what is most romantic in the world.  Reminds me of the John Mayer song comfortable ......

Saturday we got up and had coffee at the local Starbucks and had a little Jesus time together.   We then ventured off for an early lunch at Central Market.   I had the most amazing salad with roasted asparagus,  crispy capers, artichokes, and black olive hummus dressing.

After our lunch had settled we headed over to memorial park to run off the pizza we ate the night before.  During college Chris injured his knee quite badly.  After several surgeries and lots of prayer Chris is now able to play basketball and run outside.   I realize that going to the park to run seems normal but this was a huge deal for us because literally this was the first time we have gone to the park together.  After several weeks of terrible weather Saturday ended up being perfect.   There was not a cloud in the sky and it was a wonderful 70 degrees outside.

After our run we did a little window shopping in the Montrose area and got a little frozen yogurt.   We returned to the hotel to get ready for our dinner and movie later on that night.   We went and saw the King's Speech at the River Oak theatre - it is probably one of the best movies that we have seen in a long time.  After the movie we had a late dinner at Michealangelos.   My Mimi and Papa took me to this restaurant growing up, so I have a lot of memories there.   It is an old italian place in Montrose that has a tree growing inside of it.  The food and service is perfect and the atmosphere is even better.   

The next day we slept in and Chris got up and got us coffee.  We had some more Jesus time together and then checked out of the hotel.   One of our friends told us about the Urban Market happening this past weekend, so Chris and I went and had a fun time getting inspiration for our house!

We then returned back to reality where we cleaned the house and did laundry.   

It was an absolutely perfect weekend!

The Black Hole of Need

[ This is part of something I wrote just before Christmas.   It is part of a message I like to call Vulnerably Dependent.   I just felt like this needed to be posted, so if it speaks to your heart that is awesome :) ]

One of the fears that keep us from abandoning ourselves fully to God is the fear that the work will be unendurable and the toiling will be too much.   We fear that our lives will lack joy and excitement when just the opposite is true.   Much of the church today speaks of a mundane and an unexciting life while the world lures us into a lie that it will provide the real destiny adventures that we so long for.  It is a trap set by the enemy to keep us wrapped in the safety of the mundane while constantly searching for the adventure God destined us to have. The unending search creates a loop of dissatisfaction and frustration that propels us into what I call the black hole of need.  A black hole of need that can only be filled by God, but because of the lies of the enemy we try and fill it with everything but Him.   

1 John 15-17 The MSG

Don’t love the world’s ways.  Don’t love the world’s good.  Love of the world squeezes out love for the father.  Practically everything that goes on in the world – wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important – has nothing to do with the Father.  It just isolates you from him.   The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out – but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity.   

The black hole is a very interesting phenomenon that if allowed tries to become part of our very nature.   The really scary thing about the black hole is that it is just as rampant among non-Christians as it is among Christians.  The black hole tries to tell us that its needs are part of our personality. It interweaves lies into our daily life telling us that when we are stressed we must eat something, buy something, or do something.  When we are sad it tells us how to act and what to immerse ourselves in.  When we are happy it dictates to us how we express happiness.  In the end the black hole of need develops in our lives idols that steal our attention away from God.  If we all truly think about it there are things in our life that we always turn to before we turn to God. There are things in our life that you may be secretly holding on to tighter than God.

It is very uncomfortable to think about. That we modern day Christians would have many idols in our life.  The worldliness in us justifies many of them by telling us that it is responsible, smart, or even normal to hold certain things in such high places in our life. That justification veils our eyes to the truth. 

At this very point you may start feeling like I am trying to condemn you and your behavior, and that really there is no chance of living correctly. These are the lies of the spirit of legalism that seek to destroy even further what God really desires to be in our life. You see the truth is that God desires to be first in every area of your life because He does not want you to live under the burden of making your life mean something.   He does not want you to carry the responsibility of what He has called you to.    Most importantly He wants to experience intimacy with you on levels far beyond what you can imagine, all the time.  God does not want you to be a slave to your cravings, desires, lusts, wants, and needs.   God wants to be your provider, protector, and deliverer.  God wants to give you the desires of your heart.

At the heart of Vulnerably Dependent is the truth that if we allow certain areas of our life to be held higher than Jesus is in our life, then we simply are not living in the blessing or protection of God.   Those areas are automatically open to the enemy to do as he pleases.   It is when we put our hope in these areas, things, people, and dreams where true heartbreak and devastation come in.   A life dependent on God is not void of certain troubles, but the difference is when your heart is all His then He always protects and provides for it.

What seems to be the biggest risk of all, abandoning our selves completely to God, is really what secures us in the safest and most blessed place of all.

In Colossians 1:5-6 in the Message Paul says: “The Message is as true among you today as when you first heard it.  It doesn’t diminish or weaken over time.  It’s the same all over the world.  The Message bears fruit and gets larger and stronger, just as it has in you.”  I love this verse because it says that since the first time we heard the Word of Christ it has been growing larger and stronger all the time.    It is no accident that we as humans always have a desire for more.  More adventure, more people, more meaning, more money, more food, more creativity, more wisdom.  The list could go on forever, but the point is you ARE created for MORE.  In Jesus, dependently, more is not an insatiable word. More is what you were created for.   

**********

Even if you have been a Christian for twelve years there are times when you have to abandon yourself to Jesus, again. If you are in a season in your life where your heart is always hurting and you feel un-satisfied.  Give Jesus your heart and He will fill it up for you.

Men Doing Dishes ....

[ Picture credit to the Karra Hill - and one of her little signs in her kitchen ]

Sunday morning Chris got up before me.    Chris gets up before me almost every single day.   It is because he loves me and knows that my type B personality loves knowing that when his alarm goes off I still get a few more minutes of sleep.   What I love more is that Chris comes to wake me up instead of my alarm clock.   One of the many benefits of being married to the sexiest man on earth, Chris Hill.

So, Sunday morning Chris got up before me and when I walked into the kitchen he was doing the dishes.   It was one of the most romantic things I had ever seen in my life.   Fireworks were going off, rose petals were falling from the sky, and I am pretty sure angels were singing.

I walked into the kitchen just as Chris was finishing drying the last dish and he handed me a cup of coffee and walked with me to the couch.    Where we snuggled and had quiet times before church - and Chris might have started the last book in the Hunger Games.

Later on that day as Chris and I were trying to organize and unpack the last few boxes from our move.  I got to thinking about why Chris doing the dishes was the most romantic things on earth...

I believe it is because Chris was serving me in a way that meant a lot to me.   I love to cook which means I produce a large number of dirty dishes on a regular basis.   Not only does Chris always love my food but he was showing that he is committed to encouraging me to cook - by doing the dishes.   It is not necessarily the doing of the dishes that is the most romantic thing  - it is the thought behind what caused him to do the dishes in the first place.    He thought about me, thought about my time, thought about what I like to do, thought about what I had been doing, and simply wanted to bless me.    Chris sacrificed what he wanted to do at 8:30 on a Sunday morning to serve me.   That is what is so romantic and what makes me feel really safe as his wife.

It is also produced an atmosphere of honor in our house.    It produced an atmosphere of honor in my heart.   As his wife I am called to honor him and I most certainly try to do so.   But there is something about how Chris served me Sunday morning that made me respect him even more than I already did.   Chris serving me in the privacy of our own home when no one else knows about it makes me feel really safe and secure as his wife.   But it also makes me feel safe and secure to serve and honor Chris in public because I know that he will never take advantage of me submitting to and sacrificing for him.   I know that when I prefer and defer to him in public that I am doing so as a cherished and loved woman, and not as a dependent and opinion-less woman.   

At my brother's engagement party the men were sitting in my Dad's office showing off their guns.   I mean real live guns and not the muscles are their arms.    I walked in and asked Chris if he needed me to bring him anything.   This was a little scary for me because I was going out of my way to serve my husband in front of a lot of other men, and in the south sometimes men take it for granted that the women serve.   But --- my husband is a hunk of a man and would never take me for granted or view me as the "southern servant" whose only purpose in life is to serve her man.   Which is why I WANT to serve him and honor him - which in turn makes him want to serve and love me!

It is awesome and produces an amazing amount of respect and fun in our marriage.   

Blue Gold

I have coffee.  I have 30 minutes til it's time to go to church.  I am listening to the Live Horses EP from Needtobreathe.  My wife is on the other end of the house getting ready for church.  My WIFE is on the other end of OUR house getting ready.  Will the fun of saying "my wife" and "our house" ever go away?  I doubt it.  (Perk of being a boy...I get ready in 10 minutes.)

I am a happy camper.

Want to know why else I'm a happy camper this morning?  Well let me tell you.

BLUE GOLD

So I must preface and explain my hysteria/excitement this morning.  My wife is obviously a very fashionable young woman.  She always has been.  Her effect on my fashion sense is unmistakable.  It has been unmistakable since we started being "friends" back in the day.  She freed me from the undershirt.  She introduced me to the v-neck T.

Since we started dating the woman has been trying to get me into designer blue jeans.  Every year, armed with Christmas or birthday money we would trek to some outlet in hopes that this would be the year.

Why do I sound so hopeless and dejected in channeling those old days?  BECAUSE THEY WERE FREAKING MISERABLE.

"Why were they miserable, Chris?" you might ask...Why let me tell you.

Let's be honest.  Most guys who wear designer blue jeans aren't built like your boy, Hill, here.  As my friend, Wes Whitney, says, "Hill has redwood tree trunks for thighs and the back-end of a bull moose."  Great for football and beating people up on the basketball court - one of my favorite pass-times - but not so great for trying to fit into that True Religion denim.

I am also 6'4" tall barefoot.  Add the normal inch to inch and a half boots that I wear, and you have another problem.  Seven only makes one length.  Guess they only claim to make "Jeans for all Mankind" or I'm not a part of "Mankind".  I'll let you decide.

Another issue.  Despite the rather "linemanesque" lower-half that I manage, I have a fairly skinny waist - 34 or 36 tops.  I REFUSE TO SAG.  If, admittedly as a luxury, I use my bday or xmas money for this kind of jeans, is it too much to ask that they really fit?  I didn't think so.

Hence, I had given up hope.  I was done trying these jeans on.  Ever.  Lucky makes jeans that fit me fine.  I was completely content to go with them from now on.

...and then the miraculous occurred...

Wes and Sheridan - best friends, partners in crime, etc - called and said that Wes had found these awesome Rock and Republic jeans at the Nordstrom Rack in Katy.  Wes shares my same frustrations with these "people" who make these sort of jeans, and Sheridan has also had a rather obvious effect on his fashion/desired to get her man into some good lookin jeans.  

Hope.

A gchat conversation later, Wes decided that I should come try the jeans on.  They might fit me better, and there were more out there that he thought might be better suited to him.  

OK.  Hopes not to high there, Mr. Hill.  Keep that excitement in check.

Yesterday, I tried them on.  It was as if someone took measurements of me and then made jeans.

I am Christopher Carl Hill.  I build fence, I know how to work cattle, I move large objects.  I now own Rock & Republic jeans.  Sometimes I find myself to be a strange blend of a person.  Now would be one of those times, and yet I am perfectly comfortable with it.

Mikala and Luke Engaged :)

My brother Luke proposed to his beautiful and wonderful girlfriend this past Saturday night.   She said yes and she is now his fiance.    Evan, Jeremy, Chris, and I get a new sister.   Our family is beyond excited and feels so blessed.

Congratulations to you two :)  --- you are loved and blessed.  We are proud of you and cannot wait for you two to get hitched July of this year!

The Continuing Quest of an Aspiring Super Woman Wifie Mama

It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone. 

 Ephesians 1:11-12 The MSG

Have you ever asked yourself the question who am I? Or, have you ever asked yourself what your purpose is in this life?  Have you ever struggled with the expectations that the culture around you puts on you?

Great!  - I have struggled with these questions myself over the past couple of years.   In fact I even have some blog posts to prove it to you:

No Mrs. Iron Pants

Bombs in your heart

God answers my questions to bombs in my hearts

I am no man

Super Woman Wifie Mama

Provision Instead of Pride

Believe me when I tell you that if I took a little bit more time to search through the archives of this blog I could find ten more posts about me searching for who I am supposed to be in life.   I fought my own inner struggle concerning my own femininity, purpose in life, skill set, my role as a wife, and my future role as a mother.

I had no peace and always had this un-answered question clanking around in my heart.   An un-answered question that shaped my perception of people, events, and what other people thought about me.

This past summer I was riding around in my car listening to Kevin Weaver, and God answered my question.   

God always wants to answer your questions.   It is usually a matter of you wanting to actually hear the answer.

God's answer came to me in several parts.   The first part was realizing that I was proud.   My pride manifested in my life out of my belief that God was not big enough to defend and provide for me, so I went around trying to defend and provide for myself.   Underneath my pride was fear.   Essentially I had things in my life that I wanted to protect at all costs.   Things and dreams and expectations that I was willing to sacrifice anything for.   This may be what some people in the bible might define as idols.   

I was afraid that if I truly surrendered to God that he would make me do things that I really did not want to do, or give up things that I really did not want to give up.

This realization that I was proud shattered this wall I had put up around myself to protect myself, and I realized for the second time in my life how good God really is.   God will defend me if I allow him to, and he most certainly will provide for me.   

I had one of those out of body experiences where I saw myself working so hard to hold on to these dreams, expectations, perceptions, and things in my life.   These dreams, expectations, perceptions, and things all had never been fully submitted to God.    I had always told him what my will was and never asked for his assuming that because I had these dreams that they were his too.  

I was like a starving child hunkered down over a piece of bread protecting it, while a kind a loving Father was trying to give me fields and fields of grain that would sustain me for a lifetime and more.  

Riding around in the car that day changed my life.   In a simple prayer and opening up my heart to hear God - He saved me from myself.

I have finally come to a moment in life where I have nothing and there is nothing that I would not be willing to give to God.    This is one of those postures that must be submitted to God moment by moment in life.

In the last six months I have learned so much more about who I am because I am willing to just know God, and in return God is showing me who I am.   As Paul suggests in the verses in Ephesians at the top of this blog: God has designed glorious living for us.  All we have to do is seek him.

Once you have surrendered your dreams, expectations, things, and perceptions to God he will usually give you back the ones that He wants for you.   Once God gives you something it is His responsibility to carry it out and your responsibility to know Him and obey Him.   I find this to be AWESOME because God must provide the way for His promises.

I recently just got the book Having and Doing It all by Christine Caine which basically says by seeking God he will show you what your all looks like.   When your all comes from God then He equips you do it and to have it.   

The most unique and truest YOU can be found in Jesus.   You just have to allow Jesus to show what is keeping you from going deep into Him

Such is the quest of an aspiring Super Woman Wifie Mama .....  along with my growing passion for making homemade pizza :)

ya know ... because that is part of who I am!

The Diamond H Ranch

On January 1st we packed up the puppy and headed to the panhandle to see Chris's family.   

This is the Diamond H Ranch mail box.   Todd, my father in law and marketing expert, would never leave his mail box un branded.   No mail box is complete with out its own customized camo over lay!

No ranch would be complete without its own baby wild boar either.   Meet Spot - who was being babysat by Grandpa Toddy.   Apparently Grandpa Todd would like some grandchildren!

My mother in law, Karra, has two stoves in her kitchen so she can adequately feed all the hungry cowboys.   Her kitchen would not be complete without her own Diamond H brand in her back splash.   Karra understands my love for kitchens and feeding people, so she lets me take over the kitchen whenever I come to visit.   Her kitchen is a picture of perfect organization and I LOVE cooking in it.   

Here is the view from the back door of the ranch house looking out over the north pastures.

Here is the back view of the ranch house.  Todd and Karra added on about 2000 square feet to the old existing ranch house.  The windows at the top are of the bunkhouse which sleeps about 15 people, or 15 future grandbabies.   

This is the side of the front of the ranch house.   Not the best picture but you get the idea.

The mantra of every ranch wife.

We celebrated Todd and Karra's 30th wedding anniversary by making them Boeuf Bourginion from Julie Child's cookbook.    It took all day but it was worth it.

Prepping for the Boeuf

 We made asparagus, roasted pearl onions, sauteed mushrooms, and mashed potatoes to go with the Boeuf.

This is Chris helping prepare the Boeuf.

We also got to help a first time mama cow give birth to her 125 pound son.  It was an amazing experience and not nearly as gross as I thought it might be.

We had a wonderful time with Chris's family.   Going to the Diamond H is like going on vacation.   Cell phones do not work and there is always a perfect sunset.   

This is was Giada's second visit to the ranch.   She learned how to jump cattle guards, almost got killed by donkeys, almost got eaten by hungry mama cows, and learned how to go under fence.   She also got to go to the lake and de-stuffed a stuffed animal.   I would say she also had a great vacation.

Thank you for enduring my iphone pictures