I Am No Man

Growing up as the oldest sister of three brothers I always wanted to be the toughest out of all of them.  I wanted to run faster, hit harder, and be smarter than all boys.   I was no tomboy mind you.  I was dressed in pink with plenty of ribbons to match with an American Girl doll in one hand and a toy gun with my name burned onto it in the other.

I made boys cry in kindergarten because I would not play house with them.   I would not befriend the boy whose favorite color was pink because that was my color and I would not share.   I was a girl's girl and yet I wanted all the benefits of being a boy too.   I was deeply offended to find out if a boy that I thought to be a friend had a crush on me.  How dare he!  When we would play wrestle mania on Saturday mornings I would be on the bottom of the pile dressed in my latest pink ensemble.  When we would play army with our toy guns I was always the General calling the battle plans.  When Luke, at the tender age of 5, was getting beaten up by some of our soccer playing neighbors I rushed out to save him without a doubt in my mind that I could take on any boy.   That summer we even formed gangs against the little boys who beat Luke up and their older brothers who tried to beat me up.  Needless to say I had quite the following.   In Junior High I had all the boys so mentally convinced that I was stronger than they were that I was still winning arm wrestling matches in Texas History - adorned in all Limited Too accessories, of course!

I wanted to prove that I was as good at doing boy stuff as I was at doing girl stuff.   It was deeply ingrained in my brain.   I have absolutely no idea where that came from.   Yet, at the same time my womanly instincts were so strong.   I was always the Mama Bear watching out for everyone, and making sure everyone was well taken care of a safe.   I have always been super feminine and nurturing.  I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother more than anything else.   My nails were always painted to match my outfit - ALWAYS.  I could cook at age ten.

Ya know what?  The world always made me feel guilty about wanting to be a wife and a mother; I felt guilty for being such a girl.  Why?  Because the world hates what is good.  Because the world hates it when we know who we are in Christ.   I am definitely not saying that being a woman is only being a wife and mother, and if it were then it would still be an honor, but I am saying is that a war has been waged on femininity and its consequences are scary.   I have come to realize that what I can offer in a career, a job, in provision is something completely and equally awesome as the men - it is just totally different.  I can offer my femininity, and I have learned that there is nothing wrong with that.   God has created me to be a wife and one day be a mother, and He has also created me to contribute to this world in lots of other ways.  I can be the most excellent in whatever field or practice God has called me too, even if it filled with men or not.  It was not until college that I really understood that God made me to be a woman and that is what He wanted me to be.  I do not have to feel guilty for that.   God made women because the world needs to know their perspective, the world needs to know their beauty, and the world needs their softness and femininity.

Can women still be strong leaders with strong personalities?  Absolutely!  Will there be some men that are threatened by that? Absolutely!  But, it is when we truly know who we are in God when we can look at those men who might be threatened by us and not be affected by them.   When you are confident in who you are because of Jesus Christ then other peoples insecurity will not have an effect on you.  You might even be able to encourage that man who is threatened by you that he is still valuable and his skills are still needed.   You just have something to offer too and that is ok!

I am still learning this.  I am still in the shallow end in this area, but I know it is true.  I also know that Jesus is waiting for me to dive into the deep so I can fully understand who He wants me to be.   It is no small thing to get up in the morning and say to yourself that you are needed and God has purposed you to be YOU!  It is a HUGE thing, and the enemy wants you to have no part of it.   We women have something super awesome to offer.   It is something different and new, not better and in place of men, but in addition to so that the picture is complete.

We gotta Fight Like A Girl. 

I will leave you with this scene from The Return of the King by J.R. Tolkein:
[ unfortunately it will not let me embed the video into this blog, but please click over to youtube and watch it]

I am no man


[I am so thankful for all those people out there who post crazy stuff on youtube so I can use it in my blog. Thanks, people.]


LOVE,
Jess

p.s. - I just, for the first time ever, bought the new sharpie pen.  One for me and one for my Boss Dad.  We are both very excited and feel that it has added quality to our lives.