It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.
Ephesians 1:11-12 The MSG
Have you ever asked yourself the question who am I? Or, have you ever asked yourself what your purpose is in this life? Have you ever struggled with the expectations that the culture around you puts on you?
Great! - I have struggled with these questions myself over the past couple of years. In fact I even have some blog posts to prove it to you:
Believe me when I tell you that if I took a little bit more time to search through the archives of this blog I could find ten more posts about me searching for who I am supposed to be in life. I fought my own inner struggle concerning my own femininity, purpose in life, skill set, my role as a wife, and my future role as a mother.
I had no peace and always had this un-answered question clanking around in my heart. An un-answered question that shaped my perception of people, events, and what other people thought about me.
This past summer I was riding around in my car listening to Kevin Weaver, and God answered my question.
God always wants to answer your questions. It is usually a matter of you wanting to actually hear the answer.
God's answer came to me in several parts. The first part was realizing that I was proud. My pride manifested in my life out of my belief that God was not big enough to defend and provide for me, so I went around trying to defend and provide for myself. Underneath my pride was fear. Essentially I had things in my life that I wanted to protect at all costs. Things and dreams and expectations that I was willing to sacrifice anything for. This may be what some people in the bible might define as idols.
I was afraid that if I truly surrendered to God that he would make me do things that I really did not want to do, or give up things that I really did not want to give up.
This realization that I was proud shattered this wall I had put up around myself to protect myself, and I realized for the second time in my life how good God really is. God will defend me if I allow him to, and he most certainly will provide for me.
I had one of those out of body experiences where I saw myself working so hard to hold on to these dreams, expectations, perceptions, and things in my life. These dreams, expectations, perceptions, and things all had never been fully submitted to God. I had always told him what my will was and never asked for his assuming that because I had these dreams that they were his too.
I was like a starving child hunkered down over a piece of bread protecting it, while a kind a loving Father was trying to give me fields and fields of grain that would sustain me for a lifetime and more.
Riding around in the car that day changed my life. In a simple prayer and opening up my heart to hear God - He saved me from myself.
I have finally come to a moment in life where I have nothing and there is nothing that I would not be willing to give to God. This is one of those postures that must be submitted to God moment by moment in life.
In the last six months I have learned so much more about who I am because I am willing to just know God, and in return God is showing me who I am. As Paul suggests in the verses in Ephesians at the top of this blog: God has designed glorious living for us. All we have to do is seek him.
Once you have surrendered your dreams, expectations, things, and perceptions to God he will usually give you back the ones that He wants for you. Once God gives you something it is His responsibility to carry it out and your responsibility to know Him and obey Him. I find this to be AWESOME because God must provide the way for His promises.
I recently just got the book Having and Doing It all by Christine Caine which basically says by seeking God he will show you what your all looks like. When your all comes from God then He equips you do it and to have it.
The most unique and truest YOU can be found in Jesus. You just have to allow Jesus to show what is keeping you from going deep into Him
Such is the quest of an aspiring Super Woman Wifie Mama ..... along with my growing passion for making homemade pizza :)
ya know ... because that is part of who I am!
2 comments:
Jess, this is a great post. Your clarity and honesty is always so uplifting!
I love how you let God speak through you! Thank you :)
Beautiful pizza, by the way
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