My friend
Julie Prothro sent an email out to all of us Lone Star Marina girls last fall asking about what we thought about mentorship. Basically wondering how does the best mentor / mentor relationship come about. Which is an awesome question, but not what this blog is about today.
It was during this email exchange that I came up with a description of the kind of woman that I want to be.
Super Woman Wifie Mama - that looks good in a bikini
It seems to me that as we women grow older our responsibilities seem to grow as well as the expectations we put on on our selves to master these responsibilities. The Proverbs 31 woman is quiet daunting and accomplishes so much in her day, yet Proverbs is not clear on how one arrives at such achievement.
Thankfully I have several great examples of awesome women in my life: my mom, my nana, my mimi, and my great granny Ima. All of whom taught me how to cook and serve and love. They all love and serve in different ways, each of them being highly necessary. My Mom especially showed me what is means to be selfless and to look to satisfy the needs of others before my own. Because of all these women I came into marriage knowing exactly how to care for my man, and for this I am so grateful.
Yet, it was not until I got married that I really began to understand what it means to be a truly awesome Godly woman. Please understand that I believe this understanding is not general and cannot be applied to all women. It is unique and specific to what you feel God has called you too, and what you want to be and accomplish. As I write the next part of this blog do not heap guilt upon yourself if this completely describes the opposite of you. This describes me and what I feel I am called to. God made you to be you - and not me.
SO - I continue -
It was not until I was married did I truly understand what was called of me. All of the sudden I had so many things to juggle:
1. Spending time with Jesus so that I could actually be sane
2. Spending time with my husband and loving him
3. Meal planning, cooking, grocery shopping - OH MY - and saving money
4. Laundry
5. Cleaning
6. Social Obligations / maintaining contact with the outside world, and fostering good relationships with people that add to your life and you add to theirs.
7. Going to church and being social
8. Career -- UHHHH HELLO this takes 40 + hours a week of your womanly time
9. Working out
10. Christmas shopping / Birthday shopping / Remembering to give the presents you actually bought
11. Knowing what your husband is allergic to
12. Decorating
13. General organization
14. Remembering to feed the puppy
15. Building relationships with both sets of parents and siblings.
16. LOOKING GOOD IN A BIKINI while wearing platform heals
Ok - I don't know about you, but juggling all these things and maintaining balance is hard. Some of you out there may have all this down. Some of you, like me, may be desperately searching for answers.
My answer: The secret to being a SWWM - who looks good in a bikini is
DISCIPLINE
SO:
I have found there are two types of people in the world:
1. People who have clean houses
2. People who don't
These two groups of people struggle with discipline in two entirely different ways.
Group 1: Clean house people are very busy type A people. They create to do lists and check them off. These people have to discipline themselves to balance their to do list to make sure they prioritize the people in their life before their to dos. Basically - they have make sure they are building good relationships.
Group 2: Non clean house people focus all on relationships and not enough on their to dos. These peoples lives can become unorganized quickly thus stressing out their loved ones. They must discipline themselves to balance their relationship time so that they get their to dos done. [ I fall into this category ]
It all comes down to how you are wired. Every single one of us is different and really cannot be categorized into two groups. But every single one of us must choose between what we always WANT to do and what is GOOD and NECESSARY for us to do. As a wife I have become to realize that if I want to be the wife and future Mom that I know my husband and family deserves it is going to take a lot of self sacrifice on my part.
Examples:
1. I want to provide healthy meals. YET - this takes an amazing amount of planning and time. You must look at recipes, make lists, plan, go to the store. This happens EVERY SINGLE week - whether you feel like it, whether you have time, whether you have decided that eating is for losers and no one should ever do it again. You HAVE to go to the grocery store.
2. Have an awesome relationship with my hubby. Sometimes this means that I have to get off the couch and engage in conversation with him. Sometimes this means that I cannot read books for 5 hours once I get home. Sometimes this means that I sacrifice what I WANT to do for what he WANTS to do. Usually this means that I get up way too early in the morning to make him breakfast and lunch - because I love him, and for no other reason than I want to bless him.
3. I want to have a clean house. This requires me to watch less TV, read less, and walk around aimlessly less. This is an area that I struggle in and I am discipling myself to be better at.
4. My time with Jesus is extremely important for me so that I am not: grouchy, cranky, rude, anti-social, and irrational. I have to get up early in the morning so that I can get in some time alone. I sacrifice sleep.
5. LOOK GOOD IN A BIKINI: So it is not really about just looking good in a bikini (even though that is awesome) -- it is about having enough energy to do all things life requires of you. It is about looking good for the hubby, for yourself, and so that when you are 45 you are still able to train your football playing sons during the summer - or keep up with your 2 yr. old toddler. This is another area [working out consistently] where I struggle -- and am having to discipline myself --- this is the area where accountability is key for me -- and my friend Julie Prothro has stepped up to the plate. Thank you Julie. I sacrifice whatever else I would rather be doing than working out.
6. Career and Family Provision: In this time and age it is important for both wife and husband to contribute to the family income. It is been a big learning curve for me to learn how to manage my work responsibilities and my home responsibilities. Again, this is area where people differ in how they struggle. I am much more domestically in-tune, so I have to make sure I am giving work an equal part of myself.
- This is also an area where I feel like God is completely re-working me. Because of that I really can only see today - as in I have no idea what the future looks like, but I know God is doing something. This is another area where I am seeking and asking the Lord to show me what this looks like - done well. Ya know - one day we will have babies, and the work thing is some how going to have to adapt to that era of my life. God knows what he will do. If we could somehow master the Mom works at home thing and still is a productive person in society - that would be awesome. :)
UPDATE: my friend
leah makes a good point - Moms are essential to society and that alone is a massive honor.
Work + Family: I want to learn how to balance and manage this well. We are in a new time and I believe God can gives us new ways to do things.
7. Spending time with awesome girls who add to your life and understand you. Sometimes this requires you to sacrifice a little of that treasure hubby time --- but if he is a good hubby he will understand. Plus that hubby of yours needs to spend time with his boys too.
I will end here. :) Being a
SWWM - that looks good in a bikini requires discipline, self-sacrifice, and balance. AND A WHOLE LOT OF LEARNING - and probably a whole lot of mentorship.
