Summer Grilling

It is about 7:45 and I am sitting out on my parents back porch grilling me some chicken.

( Yes, I became quite the grill master in College - you can ask my roommates)

The sun is just setting. There is a beautiful green backdrop of trees wearing their brightest green, and a great row of tractors that my Dad has collected as his toys. And, most importantly, the chicken is sizzling and I am sipping on a Diet Dr Pepper while wearing a sun dress. All the while anxiously awaiting the arrival of my husband as he had a very very very long day at work!

This is SUMMER!

If I could figure out how to use the camera on my computer I would show you the scenery. Eventually I will figure it out!

Also, skipping on to other news, I am starting a brand new journal tomorrow (maybe tonight)! I am very excited about it. There is nothing like starting a brand new journal just at the beginning of summer - the possibilities seem endless! God is always up to something new!

LOVE

Mr. Hill

My most amazing and wonderful husband wanted you all to know:

1. That he has been extremely busy at work because he is covering a fellow co worker's desk while that coworker is on vacation - during the most busy time of year for this particular area of the oil industry in which Chris has no experience in. But, we are very grateful for the opportunity for him to learn this area of the oil industry - even though it is very stressful!

2. Chris has also been moving his family (i.e Me) to another home - The Barn , and making sure that I am all taken care of. He is essentially exercising his "Daddy Bear" duties, for which I am very very grateful. (he did not ask me to write this but I just wanted you all to know that He has been busy taking care of me :) )

3. Chris has also added 2 1/2 hours of drive time to his day because of our move :(

4. Due to these above reasons Chris has been unable to blog and is very sad about it. He wanted you all to know that he will blog soon and he loves all of you very much :)

We Moved ... But not where we thought we were going to!

Hello everybody!

(If you do not want to read this whole thing you can probably skip down to the last couple of paragraphs and still get the drift)

So, as some of you know for the last month or so we were in the process of buying a house! We loved the house and the neighborhood and definitely felt this was where God wanted us. So we started the process of signing contracts and writing checks and everything was going along just perfectly. We loved our realtor, our lender, the house, everything made sense, it was easy - that is until we got to our "option period" where we get the house inspected and all that. So we are about 5 days into our 10 day option period when we get a note from our realtor saying that the people selling the house, who were actually loosing money on the house, found out they had a prepayment penalty on their loan (I am telling everyone this so that if any of you are buying a house or one day might buy a house and you do not know - DO NOT get a loan with a prepayment penalty). Well since the sellers were already losing money they did not have the money to pay the prepayment penalty on the loan, and the bank was not going to give them any more money (at all EVER). So, at that point we got kind of stressed out thinking OK Lord you have to fix this, and He did and our sellers were able to borrow money from some family members to take care of the penalty. The problem got solved and we kept moving along with buying the house. Then (during the option period) the sellers had another problem with regards to money and figuring out everything on their end that they needed to do to sell the house, which got cleared up as well.

Our realtor ,being really awesome, had the title company check in with the seller's lender to make sure they could really sell the house because we felt like everything was little fishy, and that came out clear. So, we kept moving on! Then the day before our option period was over our realtor got on to the other realtor to make sure everything was absolutely OK!!! So our lovely sellers, who I really do feel very sorry for, had quite a few chances to realize they were in trouble since we were asking them all sorts of questions and making them look at their stuff. I mean you cannot assume people do not know what is going on, right? You have so assume that people can handle their own situation.

We ended the option period having crossed every t and dotted every i or so we thought! We felt that we could go a head and start packing up our apartment as we thought we were really going to buy the house. We thought we had cleared every obstable and everything seemed to a go. We packed up our apartment, called associated strong manly friends and family members to help us paint and move, transferred all utilities, cable, internet, all of that. We had everything in order, organized, and planned. We were going to move in to the house the weekend before Chris was to start an absolutely crazy two week period where he would be working 10 and 12 hour days. The Hills had everything planned out - or so we thought!

So last Tuesday May 12th - we got a lovely little email saying that our lovely sellers (who we really feel sorry for) just "realized" they had not paid their 2008 property taxes on the house and could not pay their part of the 2009 taxes. Please realize that we got this not TWO DAYS BEFORE WE WERE SET TO CLOSE ON THE HOUSE. In a normal situation we could have just reduced the price the of house and Chris and I could have paid the taxes, but since these people were already losing money and did not know what they were doing that was not possible. Our sellers had been keeping up with their payments (which is why their lender told us they were fine) but could not financially afford to go forward in order to sell the house, so their lender took over the loan which means we could not buy the house. Thankfully the sellers did not have to go into complete foreclosure (I am glad for them), but instead the house when into something called a short sell. In trying to explain this - it still does not make total sense!

So regardless of further detail Chris and I did not move into our new house :(

But, throughout this situation God has been present and has sustained us physically and emotionally. Even though this situation is not fun WE KNOW beyond every shadow of a doubt that God has a really awesome house for us some where. We know that he mobilized us into this place of transition for a reason and we did not make a mistake in hearing him, His plan was just a little different than ours. I can tell you with absolutely certainly that I would much rather buy the house God wants for us. I would much rather God save us from buying a house that was not His best for us than buy a house that I loved that God did not. So, even though it stunk I am SO SO SO grateful that God is merciful and always has our best at heart, and I am really excited to see what God does next. This is an amazing opportunity for God to get lots and lots of GLORY!

So, you might be thinking - Are Chris and Jessica living out of their cars??

No, praise the LORD we are NOT. We actually moved into my parents guest house out in Magnolia (I will post pictures) . This guest house is lovingly called The Barn and is a major upgrade from the apartment!! We more than doubled our previous living space, have all new amazing appliances, gorgeously painted rooms, and new furniture. None of which we picked out, painted, or bought! ( Thanks Mom and Dad) :)

So while we are looking for houses (again) we are living in The Barn in Magnolia - yes please feel sorry for Chris because he now has an hour drive to and from work :( - but we get to be outside, no more third story, no more scary apartment, no more small kitchen, and we get a pond to look at every morning! And - we get to use our new grill that Todd bought us ( thanks Todd :) ). Praise God that He provides!

I will keep you updated on this situation and post some pics!

Chris and I actually went on a bike ride through the neighborhood - it was every girls dream :)

God Answers my questions to "Bombs in your heart"

Hello to you today!

I would just like to declare that God is GOOD! He is GOOD.

So this is God's answer to my soul searching blog found here: http://thetopofthehills.blogspot.com/2009/05/bombs-in-your-heart.html

As my husband gently reminded me last night is it not our job to worry about accomplishing what God has called us to do in life. It our job to cast all our worries on Him and simply do what he last told us to do with excellence until he tells us to do the next thing. This sounds so simple but as we all know is very hard to live out every day. But God gave me this verse to write upon my heart as my rock to stand on as I live out TODAY:

Philippians 3:10 (Amplified Bible)
10[For my determined purpose is] that I may know Him [that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding the wonders of His Person more strongly and more clearly], and that I may in that same way come to know the power outflowing from His resurrection [[a]which it exerts over believers], and that I may so share His sufferings as to be continually transformed [in spirit into His likeness even] to His death, [in the hope]

Chris and I have a ton to update you all on as many of our plans have changed in the last few days. But that blog will have to wait until Sunday so that I can provide you pictures of what is going on our life!

Much love to you all :)

Update: Red Couch, Brown Couch

Update for you ladies and gents:

After Jess's last post, we proceeded to snuggle on the red couch and watch 30 Rock.

"That's a deal-breaker, folks."

Brown Couch, you still lose.  My wife has convinced me to give you away.  I will miss you.

Mr. Hill

Red Couch, Brown Couch

Chris and I have a brown couch and a red couch.


The brown couch is a full sized couch. The red couch is a love seat that I have had since I was in 8th grade.

Chris has decided that the brown couch is no longer good enough to sit on. So we sit on the red couch.

We get up in the mornings. We get our coffee in matching mugs. We get our bibles and we sit on the red couch and have quiet times together.. We come home from work and we sit on the red couch. We fold laundry while we sit on the red couch. We watch House, American Idol, Fringe, 30 Rock, The Hills, and the Giada De Laurentis show while sitting on the red couch.

The brown couch has been abandoned.

Chris is extremely large and we sit on the smallest couch. It just now occurred to me that I can choose to go sit on the brown couch even though it has been abandoned by my husband. So I am writing this here blog on the brown couch.

Take that red couch.

All this to say is we get to move into our new house next weekend. We get to get new couches. The brown couch will be gifted to Chris's sister. The red couch will go in the study. And the new couches will start out on an even playing ground - and we will enforce the equal opportunity act of 2009 stating that all couches must be treated equally by all members of the Hill family.

::Bombs in your heart::

So today I am going to attempt to type out some thoughts I have been having and see if I can shape them into something that makes sense and communicates meaning to you. Meaning that is not ostensible (that was for you Todd) but real and meaningful and raw! Please take note that "raw" is not always pretty. But, that is how I have been feeling lately, raw, my thoughts and ideas are not totally finished cooking yet. As I sit here, at my desk at work, thinking about everyone else out there the idea came to me that sometimes what inspires people to think about what God has or is calling them to do is to see how other people come to that realization themselves. And I sit here wishing that I could find a similar story of some woman out there coming to an epiphany moment herself of exactly what God has called her to do in this moment in time. Ya know I want to see how someone else has worked through what we call life and I want to know how she figured it out. I kind of want that woman to look a lot like how I want myself to be, or what I think God is shaping me to be. Yet, I have not found that woman out sharing her story with the world. Are you surprised? There are tons of women out there showing us how to live life for God and how to get over past struggles and what not. For example I absolutely love Beth Moore and Lisa Bevere because they are wildly fierce about Jesus, they are courageous in their calling, and they are not afraid to be beautiful and feminine!

So, I shall get to my point - I want to see a business woman who is wild about Jesus, prioritizes her husband and family, is successful and innovative in the workplace, and yet STILL MAINTAINS HER BEAUTY AND FEMININITY. Right? Anybody with me?

I know this woman is out there. She has to be, right? Yet, as I sit here and write this I have this slight feeling that maybe God is keeping me from meeting a woman like this because He is the one who wants to shape me into who He wants me to be. But, at the same time knowing that God wants to shape me and show me His way for me, I struggle though because I am so desperate to be that woman I want the reassurance of knowing that it can actually be done. It is as though I am asking God - Please show me today who and how you want me to be!! I want answers right now! I don't want to wait! Just fix me LORD!!!

All of this to get you down to how I got here. Still following me?

All my life I thought I will just be a Mommy when I grow up. It was all I ever wanted to do. There were no other options. Looking back I think this was because there was a huge part of me that naturally connected with the whole Mommy thing. I loved, and still do, cooking. Loving and taking care of people. Going to HEB. Loving on kiddos. My natural and first bent in my personality attracted me to just wanting to be a Mommy. My mom did not start working until I was a Junior / Senior in high school. Which was right about the time I realized that I had to choose and career in life and be passionate about it without very much guidance or direction. It is not that my parents did not want to prepare me, I think it was more that they were not to sure how. They always just had this quiet confidence about them, especially my Dad, that I would grow up and do exactly what God called me to do. There was never any hesitation about this, it just was simply a fact. I was going to grow up and do exactly what God had planned. Ya know so I took that confidence and went off to A&M - still a little unsure of my passions and direction in life. I am sure that many of you can relate to that.

So I hit the A&M campus a little wounded from high school, intellectually speaking. The enemy had taken several events during my high school years to make me believe that I was not smart enough. I still made good grades. I still got the big picture, I could apply the big picture to everything else. But, I walked onto that A&M campus completely deflated about my academic skill. As soon as classes started and I started to realize how everything worked I immediately wanted to be over at the business school. I was drawn to business. But, because I was convinced that I was not smart enough I never pursued that strong desire. But, as always because God is in complete control, He had a plan that made perfect sense. Over the course of time I became a communication major which perfectly fit how my brain operated (and still operates today). During my Junior and Senior years of college God showed me that I was a lot smarter than I believed I was, and He showed me how the enemy had lied to me to get me to believe that. That breakthrough wildly changed how my last 2 years went and how my passions and desires started to grow - when I started to get little "bombs in my heart".

So you ask, what is a bomb in your heart that sounds kind of dangerous.

To that I would answer. Why yes a bomb in your heart is incredibly dangerous. Why? Because a bomb in your heart is the Spirit inside you reacting to little realizations that you have when you see glimpses of what God has called you to. Sometimes to get to those little bombs you have to get through the lies that the enemy tries to tie you down with so that you never see the glimpses. So that you remain everything that God has called you not to be.

And I sit here today at my desk with little bombs going off in my heart, longing desperately to see how one takes one those imaginary bombs that God allows you to have and make it something that I live out every day.

I want to see an example of the woman that I want to be. But, it is very possible that God does not want me or you to be like anyone else. That idea might be scarier to me than to you. It is scary to me because I feel like I am out in the wild frontier pioneering for who God wants me to be. All the while I am surrounded by land that has never been developed, land that has never been touched before, holding a tool that I have never seen before. Standing there thinking, "Oh, God please show me how to do this".

I know God is there and He is guiding me. But it is scary to feel like you are on a path that not many other people walk.

Anyone else standing there with me?