Panties a la floor - Funny Marriage Story #2

Chris and I had a fantastic honeymoon. Great food. Great service. Great spa. Great relaxation. Great margaritas. It was AWESOME. But this post is not about the honeymoon it is about a little incident in the airport going home from our honeymoon.

When we left for our honeymoon my suitcase was naturally nearly 100 lbs. Which costs us about $800 million of "overweight" fees, but I mean who really cares when you are leaving for your honeymoon? No one! Did I wear all of the clothes in my suitcase? No, probably about half. If I had to re-pack would I have made it lighter - mmm, probably not! I must say though a year into marriage and I can now pack lighter than 50 lbs!

So - Chris and I arrive at the airport in Puerto Vallarta with all our suitcases fully knowing that we were "overweight" and were going to have to pay another $800 million fee. Chris was not too concerned about it we just chaulked it up to the cost of going on a honeymoon. We walk into the airport - all suntanned and sundressed and glowing from our first week of marriage - we are holding hands and kissing as we approach the check in desk. There is this kid there to check us in.

I have to mention know that there are people EVERYWHERE. It was not some abandoned airport where literally no one can be found, it was the beginning of vacation season and the masses were out!

Chris lifts my suitcase up onto the little scale and the kid's mouth falls open and his eyes almost pop out of his head. He proceeds to tell Chris in Spanish that my suitcase is very "overweight" and it will cost us $800 million is fees. I start pinching Chris's arm. Chris says nothing. Then the kid says he has a solution. For only $20 you can buy this box and pack some of your stuff into it and bypass the $800 million fee. I say N0 - in Spanish. Chris says nothing. The kid repeats himself in English. Chris whips out a $100 bill and says yes we will buy the box. My heart sinks realizing they are going to open my suitcase.

Then it happens.

They whip my suitcase off about ten feet behind us where they have all these tables set up and all these people checking them. It is not like in the states where they have the nice little divider walls. Nope, everything is out in the open for everyone to see. The suitcases are front of the line where everyone is waiting to check in positioned perfectly so they are 2 feet from your open suitcase.

[ literally my heart is beating faster as I am telling this story ]

The lady opens my suitcase and literally ALL of my panties and honeymoon lingerie flies - like it was spring loaded - into the air and then lands on the floor. I do not even go to pick it up. There is this family with 8 children standing before me with eyes wide open as something black and lacy almost hits the youngest one in the head. Instead I start backing up and tell all the little workers - ESTOY MUY ENOJADA. ESTOY MUY ENJODA. I am very angry.

SO - you think that is bad? Chris still has his $100 bill in his hand and the kid still has his mouth wide open. THEN the kid tells Chris that $100 bills do not exist in Mexico and he must go get it verified at the bank in the airport. We literally only have $100 bills. No $5, $10, or $20 - just a bunch of $100's. I give Chris the death stare as I am telling everyone how angry I am in Spanish and the little ladies are kind of hiding behind my suitcase full of panties. Chris swoops down and grabs all my lingerie and panties and throws them back in the suitcase, and then he and the kid go off to get the $100 bill "authorized". I am left standing there infront of 200 people, all of whom have just seen the contents of my newlywed wardrobe fly all over the airport and nearly injure small chilren, and the little airport ladies DO NOT SHUT MY SUITCASE. It is just left open for the entire 20 minutes Chris and the kid are gone to get the $100 bill "authorized".

Needless to say I stood there for 20 mintues brooding and repeating in Spanish ESTOY MUY ENOJADA. At one point as I saw Chris running back and forth across the airport with his $100 bill in his hand and I considered just sprinting and form talckling him right there so maybe everyone would stop staring at my panties.

Poor Chris.

He comes back. Chris AND the kid pack some my panties and lingerie into the box. It is determined that we no longer have to pay a $800 million fee just $20. The kid looks at us proudly like he has just saved the day. I pinch Chris really hard and give him another death stare. We walk away and Chris starts pleading for his life and offers to buy me starbucks.

I decide in a moment I am sure was anointed by God that I would forgive him and it would be ok as long as he bought me Starbucks - I did give him one last pinch though. Thirty mintues later while on the plane we started to kind of laugh about it ... I mean Chris was trying to save us $799,999,980.