The past six months have been tough in some ways and in some ways not. Chris and I are growing up together. Chris and I are still living in my parents guest house, also known as the barn, which has presented to us some internal struggles. God has made it evidently clear that this is where we are to live for today. We squirm and wiggle and try to get God to give us a different answer, but He is currently just telling us to wait. On what? I have no idea. We are to wait on God's best for us no matter how impatient, uncomfortable, humbled, or frustrated we get. We are learning how to trust God even when we cannot see past tomorrow. We have everything we need for today and no idea what tomorrow will hold. We have complete peace yet our flesh is trying to run out way ahead of us to get us to make decisions that are unwise and un-anointed.
It is hard to explain our situation to some people because it is hard for some people to understand that we are just waiting on God. It seems illogical to some - sometimes God is totally illogical which is part of why He is so exciting. In the middle of God being illogical to our human way of thinking Chris and I are getting rubbed together and refined to become more like Him.
I read a blog that I found totally by accident on some other blog that I cannot remember. It is about a young 20 something girl who left college to go live in Uganda and take care of orphans. It is real and raw and so GOOD. It is called
the Journey and last week Katie wrote this story in her blog and it totally touched my heart. Here is the except:
Every Sunday my family eats lunch at a local restaurant called Yummies (yea, laugh at it for a minute...) This Sunday John was waiting for us when we pulled up after church. He greeted us sweetly but then turned to show me a quarter-sized hole in the back of his foot. All we could really communicate in the little English he knows and the little Swahili I know was that a bottle had cut him. I could not figure out how a bottle made such a large, deep hole. Unfortunately, for severely malnourished children, even the smallest cut can become a gorge due to the body's inability to heal properly. While the big girls got situated inside, the little girls and I trecked off to the nearest pharmacy to pick up some antibiotic ointment, gauze and tape. After washing his foot as best we could with my bottled water, we bandaged him up good. He looked up and said, "I waited for you. I knew you would fix it." We gave John his food and sent him on his way, promising I would come back in the morning to re-bandage and start him on an antibiotic.
Monday morning, he sat waiting in the place I park my van at 7 am. He was not surprised to see me. As I handed him the antibiotic, explaining how to take it. I kind of wanted him to say thank you. But as I looked in his eyes I knew why he hadn't thanked me. Because this was expected. He knew that I was going to bandage his wound and give him medicine because that is what I do. His trust was much better than a thank you. As I washed the gash and covered it with a fresh bandage, he said once again, "I knew you were coming. You bring medicine like you said. You always come." As I took his sweet face into my hands, I whispered to him that Jesus loves Him and that He will ALWAYS show up, always come, always be there to help him.*****Several weeks ago, Gwen's son Elijah was looking at pictures of some sweet Ugandan children on her computer. In an effort to teach him to be thankful for all that he has, Gwen explained to him that these children were hungry, sometimes not eating for days, some having no mommy or daddy, some unable to take a bath or drink clean water. Elijah looked up at her with no doubt, "Mom, don't worry, Katie will feed them. Katie will take care of them."
Over and over and over again God reminds me. I see these children's blind faith and I LONG for my faith in the Lord to be so trusting. HE WILL COME. I am waiting for Him. I KNOW that He will come and bandage my wounds and bind up my brokenness. He will always show up, just like He says, bringing the medicine, or whatever else is needed.
I look at these precious children. Hundreds and thousands and Hundreds of thousands of them. Hungry, with no mommy or daddy, some unable to eat or bathe for days, never having clean water to drink, never having adequate medical care when they are hurting. Could my faith be like Elijah's? Could I look at you without a hint of doubt and say, "Don't worry. God will feed them. God will take care of them." HE IS COMING. HE IS COMING to bandage our wounds, to bind up our broken hearts, to take our faces into His hands and whisper I am always here. HE IS COMING and all these children that are hurting and hungry and longing for love are going to be scooped into His everlasting arms and told that they are beautiful. They will no longer be hungry or hurting because they will be filled with His spirit. They are the least of these, they are His heart, and He is coming for them and for us. So we wait like John. We are expectant like Elijah. We will not be put to shame.For some reason these two stories cut to my heart and reminded me of the blind trust of a child. A child knows when someone is good. A child is not worried about deserving something he or she needs. A child just asks for it and expects it - at least a healthy child does. Jesus so sweetly reminded me that I always need to expect him to be there for me. He reminded me that it is safe for me to depend on him to always be there for me. Jesus can actually take care of all my grown up problems - He just wants me to give them to Him like a child, without restraint. Jesus actually wants to love me when I am struggling about being worthy and valuable or when I am upset that we have no idea what house we want or where we are supposed to live. Jesus cares. He wants it all. Simple. Just like that.
During one my quite times last week Jesus told me to open up to Luke 18. I had no idea what that passage said I just heard in my heart to read it. Here is what it said:
Luke 18
The Story of the Persistent Widow
1-3Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, "There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: 'My rights are being violated. Protect me!' 4-5"He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, 'I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won't quit badgering me, I'd better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I'm going to end up beaten black-and-blue by her pounding.'"
6-8Then the Master said, "Do you hear what that judge, corrupt as he is, is saying? So what makes you think God won't step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won't he stick up for them? I assure you, he will. He will not drag his feet. But how much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?"
I needed to hear that last week. God is for us - a million times more than a corrupt judge. It is so hard for me sometimes to view myself as a child of God that Jesus will do absolutely anything for. Sometimes I feel like God does not hear my prayers or understand how hard my situation feels at the moment - BUT HE REALLY DOES. God wants us to persistently pursue Him in every situation - He is so GOOD. He is ALWAYS there.
Did either of those things speak to anyone else?
