I must confess that I am not nice all the time. I realize this is so very surprising (not). But, as I have struggled in certain areas of my life (i.e. being nice to my dad's employees), I have started to pay closer attention as to why I struggle to consistently be myself at work and around these people. I must defend these wonderful people, because it is most certainly not their fault! They are all incredibly awesome, God fearing, respectable people who are all very nice to ME and deserve to be treated as such. I have been mostly mean in my heart and not necessarily in the everyday interactions with them, although there have definitely been some instances that I should have handled WAY differently.
God ,over the past two weeks or so, has been building this revelation in me which did not culminate until last night. It began with the struggle. The struggle that I am sure many of you know that consists of thoughts like this: "What is my purpose here?", "Am I useful?", "I do not want to stay in this position long, I want more responsibility", "What about my future?", and so on. I have been listening to Beth Moore's new bible study Ester on the way to work every morning, and one morning she was talking about mean people! She said something very revelatory, she said "people are mean because they feel threatened by something or someone". So, this got me to thinking about life, of course I was not doing to much introspective thinking about myself because I was not ready to admit that I was being mean.
So, over the weekend I was praying about work. I had finally admitted that I needed to change. Then WABAM (I stand behind this word as being a real word) God handed me one. Have you every had this happen to you, when you admit you are wrong to God and He does one of those awesome black lady moves in your face and is like "Oh no you didn't girl, oh no you didn't"?. Then gives you scripture to further support that you are in fact WRONG. So -
Galation 5:
22But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness,
23Gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence). Against such things there is no law [[f]that can bring a charge].
24And those who belong to Christ Jesus (the Messiah) have crucified the flesh (the godless human nature) with its passions and appetites and desires.
25If we live by the [Holy] Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. [If by the Holy Spirit [g]we have our life in God, let us go forward [h]walking in line, our conduct controlled by the Spirit.]
26Let us not become vainglorious and self-conceited, competitive and challenging and provoking and irritating to one another, envying and being jealous of one another.
It was verse 26 that God really got me with, because I was being competitive. Now, of course it is great to be competitive in lots of areas of life, but I was being competitive because I was taking control of my work situation. I did not want to let God take control because I was acting out of fear. But, in taking control I was driving myself and I am sure everyone around me totally crazy! As I laid in bed while God was so graciously showing me that I did not need to be in control, I realized how much more sense it makes to give it all to Him. He is the author and creator of all humanity, and His imagination is so much better than mine. So, if I were to control my life and do what I think is best for me then I am settling for a much lesser life than what God really has for me. As I sit here I have some inkling of what God has for me it is just a little tiny spec of an idea, and I do not really know how He will get me there or what the next step is but I am going to trust Him with all of that. I know He knows SO much better than ME!
I think the enemy has something that He tells all of us to keep us bogged down so we do not accomplish what God has for us, or walk in the greatest freedom and intimacy that God has for us. For me that consisted of constantly struggling with feeling like I was stupid. This was something that I absolutely did not struggle with until high school, but it was something the enemy laid a trap for my entire life. I am mature enough to know that I am not stupid, but nevertheless that lie consistently and quietly can sneak up on me. Because of that lie it is sometimes hard for me to believe that God has called me to do awesome things and can make it hard for me to trust God! But, it is in times like this when I expose the enemy for what he is, a liar, I see how STUPID he is. I realize that because I am imperfect God will get more glory if I do what He has called me to do, and I realize that I am His most treasured daughter whom He loves and has set apart. Just like you are His most treasured and set apart. He has set you where you are for a reason, and I know that if we all let God take control our lives will start to look a lot different and a lot better!
Much love
(this post was supposed to go out last Monday)
2 comments:
Great post Jessica! I loved reading it. I too, have those moments from the Lord, OFTEN! Bless you girl!
I am glad you are my daughter. It makes my heart soar. To know that you were created to be the help mate of my son and he your husband and to be told by God 10 years ago. Well, it is "like honey to the soul"!
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