[ Disclaimer: This post is simply a result of some heart reflecting and does not have to do with anyone directly in our lives. In plainer words: no, no one has been mean to us. ]
This year Chris and I have probably gone to church less than either of us ever have in both of our lives combined. When we have gone to church we have even been asked if we are attending somewhere else.
"Why?" - you ask, maybe even slightly shocked.
Mostly because a lot of our friends have gotten married this year and one of us was usually in the wedding party. Weddings these days require a whole weekend and usually several before hand. We have been super blessed by these weddings. We have been even more blessed to see our friends enter amazing marriages. The big cherry on top of the all that is having more married couples to live life with.
Not attending a whole lot of community based worship had done three things to me. The first being that I am required to have Holy Spirit quiet times by myself. Quiet times have become more valuable because I have to seek the Lord myself and hear from Him myself or I will be completely empty. I have learned that in order to do that I have to be completely open and humble before God - which is really really hard to do. Secondly I have realized that I really really miss church and I cannot wait to get back involved and attend regularly.
Finally - I have begun to question some of my Christian based and culturally acceptable beliefs and actions. You see I grew up in Church and in a Christian family. I went to elementary in the early 90's. I am a product of focus on on family parenting.
I was taught in more ways than not to separate myself from the sins of this world. Which is a good thing for sure. But was I also taught to judge the sins of this world?
Never before in my life have I ever been so challenged to love the sick and hurting of this world. Never before in my life have I ever felt such compassion for those who do not know the true depth of Jesus's love for them. I have not (at least up until this moment of my life) ever been called to love the sick and dying of Africa, India, or Haiti. I have always always seen the sick and dying closest to me and felt the most for them. The ones in the poor neighborhoods that I occasionally drive by, or the ones I shop next to in the grocery store. I always think of the ones who might be in sexual slavery in the very city I live in. While this has been a huge awakening in me this year and I am still trying to work out how to love the orphaned poor here in Houston - something else has also caught my heart.
It is this: that we as American Christians are some of the most judgmental people on planet earth. Myself being the chief "judger" of them all. I started asking myself: Am I condemning more than I am loving? Am I more quick to call a Christian brother or sister out than to give them an encouraging word? Am I more quick to judge their actions than to try and understand their motivations?
Unfortunately the answer to most of these questions was yes.
The root cause of most of these terrible characteristics in me was pride and fear. My own pride and fear came out of believing in too small of a Jesus. A Jesus whose love was not big enough to cover my own inability and the inability of others. Thankfully my desperate quiet times yielded some good wisdom and love from Jesus who showed himself to be so much bigger and more capable than my human heart could imagine.
I have realized that my form of Christian love was so mean, so I had to change it out for a God kind of love that is beyond human understanding. This is no small or easy thing because it sometimes requires you to love even when you don't want to or even when you do not understand.
As Chris and I have grown up more this year we have encountered more circumstances that require more of this kind of love.
There are two specific categories where my love has had to grow:
1. People who knowingly sin and suffer the consequences and still need to be loved.
- Yes it might be their fault they are in the mess they are in, but I am not called to judge them. I am called to love them. If they ask for advice I can give it, but I am not called to condemn them. I am defined by Jesus who loves me so much he gave His life for me. Jesus never shunned these people. Jesus showed more love than the culture of the time had ever seen. The Church should be defined as such -- showing more love than the world has ever seen. Yet, the church is made up of people.
2. Christians who condemn others way more than they offer love.
- This is really where I get in trouble. My self-righteous flesh wants to go into butt kicking mode. There is quite possibly no one or nothing more mean in the world than a condemning Christian. A condemning Christian is afraid of sin and has too small of a view of God. A condemning Christian believes one must outlaw sin instead of receiving the grace to overcome sin. A condemning Christian lives by the law of legalism instead of the law of grace. Yet, a condemning Christian needs my love just as much as any other person does. When it comes down to it I am not called to condemn the condemning Christian EITHER - I am called to walk in God's empowering grace and love them TOO.
Man --- growing up in HARD. Kicking butt seems to be a lot easier :)
In essence this challenge to love is really all about faith. Do you believe God is big enough to cover all? Do you believe God is big enough to cover all the sin in the world and of the church? Do you believe God is big enough to cover differences in different theologies? Do you believe God is big enough to love all of who you are?
Faith comes by hearing the word of God or reading the word of God and acting out what it says. God never lets you down which why we build up our faith.
It is possible that Chris and I have some condemning Christians in our life. It is my challenge to show love to them in the hope that they see a much bigger God.
I feel this is a better option than a Jess ready to kick butt? I know my husband would agree, and probably my would Dad too.
So what does this have to do with not attending very much church? Being a little more outside of the church I have seen a little more what the church looks like (sometimes) to the outside world. I want the church to be a place where every sinner feels free to go. The church should be a place where every unmarried pregnant mother to be feels safe. A place where every divorcee finds peace. The Church as a whole should be so much more loving than the world. There are some churches that do this and there are some that don't. Unfortunately the world sees more of the churches and Christians who don't.
We must have a balance between encouraging people to live a grace filled life so they do not sin and accepting and loving those who do sin. While also calling out those in the church who refuge to stop sinning. While the perfect balance of these things seem impossible I believe it can be found in Jesus.
